How To Rap Like Lil Wayne

Swiped. Take it as a joke, no need to get worked up. Besides, it’s funny because it’s true. Number 7 is my personal favorite.

1. Pick a Verb. Preferably a verb about running away from the law or from an assailant. I.E. Duck, Run, Dodge or maybe Stop, Drop or Roll. Lil’ Wayne LOVES stopping, dropping and rolling. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

2. Connnect the verb to some sort of simile. This is crucial. Every single Lil’ Wayne line must contain some sort of relatively obvious simile. So maybe you can “duck like Scrooge.” “Run like a bloody nose.” Or even “Dodge like Kansas.” You can do metaphors but try to steer away from doing this too often, lest people think that you are a different ghost-writer. That is bad. Also for bonus points talk about how “sweet” you are. Lil’ Wayne loves talking about being sweet like a Tahitian Treat or some other delicacy high in sucrose.

3. Mention “Slanging Keys.” This is crucial to establish street cred. Don’t pay attention to the fact that Lil’ Wayne’s been famous since 12 and the only thing he knows about slangin’ is that he speaks with it. After all, if you don’t talk drugs how else can you impress the translucent Dairy Queen-white music critics. This way they can also compare you to the Wire. (Just remember to connect all that “slanging keys” talk with a simile).

4. Declare that you are Weezy F. Baby. This will tell listeners who you are. Sure, they probably already know, but adding The “F” in the middle of the name uncertainly adds to Wayne’s level of class. It makes him seem like F. Scott Fitzgerald. Exactly like F. Scott Fitzgerald. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to ascertain what the “F” stands for. That my friends is a slippery slope. And whatever you do, don’t think about what the “F” stands for while looking at a picture of Wayne and Baby making out.

5. Talk about hustling. Music critics love hustling. Presumably, they are devotees to the energetic style of basketball popularized by players like Ben Wallace, Kurt Rambis and Mark Madsen. This will make them feel at home. If there’s anything music writers know about, it’s hustling.

6. Talk about Baby. Call him your Daddy. Forget the fact that he’s not actually your Daddy. Forget the fact that the majority of people that call other men “daddy” are prostitutes. It’s unimportant. Mention something that Baby told you. Maybe that he told you “these b*tches is b*tches.” Or that he told you to “Turn around and stick out.” (Maybe, he was just quoting Sir-Mix-A-Lot.) Ignore the fact that you call a man named “Baby,” “Daddy.” Let’s just chalk that up to being a New Orleans thing.

7. Make some sort of obvious pop culture technology reference. Talk about IPods. Or Myspace. Or gigabytes. Something remotely technological. It will show that Wayne is not completely retarded (just partially) and might have actually read a newspaper once or twice. Which clearly means he is a genius.

8. Talk about how poorly you treat women. Perhaps you can claim how you’ll “never love a b*tch.” Or how you’ll “never give a ho a damn thing.” The more misogynistic the better. This will definitely do much to steer people away from those nasty “gay” rumors.

9. Apropos to nothing, make some sort of remark about Hurricane Katrina. No need to bother making it have anything to do with the rest of the verse. After all, never underestimate white liberal guilt. Any sort of name-dropping will make white liberals feel bad and they will forget the fact that Wayne is a multi-millionaire and anoint him the voice of the people. Also, be sure to make wild ridiculous conspiracy theories like claiming that you heard George Bush blew up the levees. The more absurd the better. Go for it.

10. Proclaim yourself the “Greatest Rapper Alive.” Forget the Fact that Wayne would be lucky to be included in a list of the Top 20 rappers working right now. Most music critics haven’t listened to Hip Hop Made Before 1999 anyway (other than Public Enemy). If you proclaim yourself the greatest, you will be the greatest. Or at least people will be foolish enough to buy this canard.

MP3: Lil Wayne – “Tha Mobb”

Legend of the Fall Offs: Nas

“I remember when you did your thing without a doubt tastefully
The problem was you didn’t know when to bow out gracefully
Once told, never burn out, it’s best to fade away
Preserve your value so that you can live to see a greater day”
-Busta Rhymes, “Legend Of The Fall Offs”

Nas, otherwise known as Nasty Nas, or Nasir Jones (whatever you’d like to call him) has had one of the most lengthy and prolific careers in hip hop music. Arguably one of the greatest albums ever recorded and the worst (“Nastradamus”) highlight this man’s career. Best known as a story teller, he crafts tales of murder, crime, and drugs. After choosing to do a tribute concert for the Virginia Tech shooting, many news outlets (Bill O’Reilly and his show in particular) were disgusted by the man’s lyrical content. While I can see how they “cherry-picked” bits and pieces of his lyrics to prove their point, songs like “I Can” are few and far between. Just my .02, chime in on that one if you feel the need.
One of the most critically negative aspects sprinkled (well…sometimes poured) about his music career is his beat selection. To be quite honest, the man has the worst ear for beats EVER. In my mind, there is no question that he is the worst at selecting beats to rhyme over.

This gifted storyteller with a bad musical sense has lasted long enough in the industry to release a grand total of 9 studio albums, with a tenth soon on the way – The recent Greatest Hits compilation was not a factor in that count. 1994’s “Illmatic” is arguably the greatest album of all time (…ehh…), while ‘96 followed with “It Was Written”. For this one, the dated sound along with the crap beats caused the downfall here. Many people love this album, and I have no idea why. Except for “The Message”, which is one of my favorite Nas songs, there’s not much good on this disc. Next came “I Am…” (pass!) and the aforementioned worst album ever, Nastradamus. 2001 brought a new, highly publicized beef with Jay-Z to spark “Ether” and another fantastic song “One Mic”. Considered a comeback album, this was the best album Nas had released in years. Fast forward (quick!), through “The Lost Tapes”, “God’s Son”, and “Street’s Disciple”, and we get to “Hip Hop Is Dead”. A controversial title, and to be honest, I haven’t played any tracks off of this disc in probably a year. Looking at the back of the cd case, I’d say there are four or five “good” tracks. Nasir Jones, you sir are proving your own point. Four good songs of sixteen is twenty-five percent. That’s not a good ratio chief! To be honest, I don’t give a shit what your next album is going to be called – “N*gger” (?) … just make it good and remember-able (Is that a word?) for the music, not for the title.

And please, for the listener’s sake…let someone else choose the beats. Please!

Summer Time: A Compilation

Well it’s only April, but it’s reached 80 degrees where I’m at. Beautiful weather, so I’m gonna post this up, and bounce outside. Hope you like it; leave some comments. Big thanks to Crooklyn for plenty of these tracks and the inspiration.

Tracklisting:
1. Jake One – Hold On
2. DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Summertime
3. Erick Sermon – Music
4. Phife Dawg – Miscellaneous (Remix)
5. Little Brother – Whatever You Say (Remix)
6. Common – The Sun God
7. ATCQ – Jam
8. R. Kelly – Summer Bunnies (Remix)
9. Cam’ron – Oh Boy
10. Jay-Z – Feelin’ It
11. Nas – Purple
12. Dr. Dre – Xxplosive (Instrumental)
13. Hi-Tek – Breakin’ Bread
14. The Pharcyde – Runnin’
15. Souls of Mischief – ‘93 ’til Infinity
16. Outkast – Player’s Ball
17. Diverse – Ain’t Right
18. AZ – Rather Unique
19. Nappy Roots – Po’ Folks
20. Big Pun – I’m Not A Player
21. El Da Sensei – Summer Time Bluez
22. Masta Ace – Beautiful
23. The Notorious B.I.G. – Big Poppa
24. The Perceptionists – Breathe In The Sun
25. J. Dilla f. Blu – Sun In My Face

Download.

75 Bars – Black’s (DE)construction

The Roots’ newest album is set to come out in two weeks. I’m pretty sure I’ll buy it, as I like all the songs I’ve heard – minus Birthday Girl, which (a) wasn’t as bad as everyone made it out to be, and (b) isn’t on the album anyhow. However, I have a bone to pick with this video.

What you are seeing is a perfect accompaniment to the gritty, muffled sound of Black Thought ripping the microphone up. However, I’m not sure if people are seeing the problem here. The group is murdering a white male. It’s undisclosed what he has done, and the reasoning behind this killing. It can almost be seen as a form of torture as they beat him and burn him. A group of all black males killing a white male.
Let’s look at that again. I respect The Roots – I think they have a positive effect on hip-hop and music as a whole, but they (Rik Cordero, director included) are wrong here.
Let’s flip the stage around a bit. Would you EVER see The Roots murdering a Latino man, or someone of Asian descent? No way. They seem to have to be attacking the white man. They wouldn’t murder a woman, because that would be seen as wrong or politically incorrect. Yet, somehow, it’s seen to be okay to portray this attack on the white man. For some reason, the reverse actions of one of the most unfortunate and wrong things in the history of the entire world, is seen as okay and acceptable. Am I, the white man, paying for my crimes? Get the fuck outta here. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. The Jewish people and Japanese people during World War II were placed in internment camps, where many died. They are not sending a racist message. A video depicting such a thing would not be seen in the same light as this “75 Bars” is. Even worse, if a white band was portrayed in a video as ritualistically killing a black male…well, all hell would break loose. You don’t even need me to tell you that, it’s more or less common knowledge.

In this world of political correctness and this current fad of not offending people can sometimes really be taken over the top. For example, a petition had started to make them “people-holes” instead of manholes. However, if I see something like this, I feel like the cards are stacked against me as a white person. I know I cannot do the same thing and be able to escape away safely. Same thing goes with the controversial n-bomb. I do not use the word, and do not condone the use of it. A couple of my black friends don’t use it, because they don’t feel it’s fair for everyone. I don’t mean to be a whiny person here, but I want a level playing field when it comes to these types of things.

I know the theme of the album is the white man’s attitude towards blacks in the past, but we’re not in the past anymore. We’re in the present. And if racist attitudes are something that the world as a whole wants to get rid of, there’s no need to be putting out things like this.
That is all.

This post has been certified controversial. Make sure you catch the comment train. I know you’ve got an opinion, make it heard – especially if you disagree with me.

Waitin’ For The DJ

Guess what? Your main man over here is gonna get his ass on radio for the world to hear. I’m doing a senior project to graduate high school, which entails me mentoring at the local radio station, WRIU - The University of Rhode Island radio station. The show will be held from 1-3PM (EST) on Monday, April 14th. If you’re in Connecticut, Rhode Island, and parts of Massachussetts, you can hear me by tunin’ the dial to 90.3 FM. For everyone else, you can listen online by following this link, and clicking one of the two options. The show will consist of mostly hip-hop, but since I’m taking over someone else’s show, I might play a little bit of everything good. If you listen, or just wanna wish me good luck and all those nice things, be sure to comment. If you’re lucky, you might even get a shout out.

“It’s stronger than the revolution you wear on your sleeve.”

The Intangibles

Inspired by this post over here
There’s plenty of good albums. As you begin to classify something as ‘great’, the number dwindles. Classic, despite the amount that the word is tossed around these days; the number gets lower still. Sometimes it’s the little things that make an album accelerate and increase the status. What are those things exactly? Check it.

1. Promotion / Distribution
How I am supposed to purchase an album I can’t find? Where I’m from, 75% of my purchases are from amazon. A good example is Blu’s most recent – “Below The Heavens”. I’ve never seen a physical copy of that in my life, and although I bought it off iTunes, I’d still love to actually own a copy. Last I heard, that was out of print. If anyone knows how/why an album goes out of print…please feel free to shed some light. Because I, for one, have no idea. Someone’s gotta know.

2. Cover Art / Liner Notes
The expression is to “never judge a book by it’s cover”. Nah, fuck that. Everyone does it, and for good reason. If you’ve ever picked up an album, looked at the cover, shook your head, and put it back down, this one’s for you. I know I’ve done it on numerous occasions. Make a good cover, and it’ll draw my eye and I’ll pay attention, even if your stuff is garbage. Secondly, the reason I buy physical copies of albums is because of the experience that comes along with owning one. Find the producer or anything else anytime you’d like. Also, some nice pictures are cool. See Lupe’s “Food & Liquor” for a perfect example. If you don’t own it…buy it just for the liner notes. TRUST me. I might even upload them to show you guys if I’m feeling generous.

3. Guest Appearances
Sometimes, the guest murders the star on their own track. Other times, it’s opposite, and the guest looks terrible. In a perfect world, they’d blend perfect every time without detracting anything from the overall listening experience. If I’ve never heard of you, if I recognize guests, you’ll get a listen. (I bought a Perceptionists album off the Phonte appearance only. – Bad decision, but you get the picture) Make sure the crew you roll with is as nice as you, if not better.

4. Sequencing
Song order is so important on an album. The way one track flows into another, and even the topics make more sense when they’re arranged a certain way as compared to another. Don’t believe me? Take your favorite cd, and play the songs in alphabetical order. It doesn’t sound nearly as good or cohesive. There’s too much of this going on today, and it’s seriously overlooked way too often, and I’m not sure why. Fix that please.

I forget anything? You disagree? Let me know in the comments…so that way I know someone’s reading. Also, I’m gonna be guest-hosting a radio show at the local radio station on Monday, April 21st from 1-3 in the afternoon. I’ll drop the streaming online link sometime before then. Stay tuned!

Hidden Treasures

The ongoing debate between music piraters/downloaders and corporations and the RIAA is continuing. It’ll probably continue forever, if you ask me. However, there’s something that people aren’t really noticing; the amount of music that is given away legally for free.

All it takes, really is a little searching. Artists and labels are slowly but surely realizing the power of the internet. As one of the ten bajillion bloggers that are up and running currently, I try to keep my blog important and make sure that I have an impact on at least someone out there. With so many bloggers, forums, and other things out there for musical expression, the ability to reach somebody is more powerful than ever. It’s now that I’m just gonna go ’round the Net and point out some releases being given away for free. If you don’t have any of these, make sure you get them ASAP.

1. Magestik Legend
Dude from Michigan, is boys with One.Be.Lo and part of the Subterraneous crew. This free album, honestly, is better than most things I’ve heard recently. Crisp sounding beats, and top-notch lyricism about a range of subjects. FREE Magestik Legend (clean version also available, if anyone’s interested)

2. Wale
I’m sure most of you are familiar with Wale. He’s an up-and-coming rapper from Washington DC signed to the Rawkus Fifty. His mixtape, 100 Miles & Running, is given away for free, and is all over the internet. Make sure you check this dude out, he’s the future! (Take that exclamation as you’d like)

3. Sun Zoo
I gotta show love to my home state. Rhode Island’s own Sun Zoo is giving away two of his albums from his website. He’s in a similar vein to El-P and Aesop. But to be honest, I don’t really like either of the two I just mentioned, and I can dig Sun. Different, but also traits of similarity, knawmsayin? Grab “Can’t See The Forest” and “Hope Flies“, while being on the lookout for his newest coming this month, “Roads of the Earth”. Dude goes to Brown University, and I’ve met him briefly. Real cool, and despite his not-exactly-hip-hop-look, he throws down.

This is only a very very small sampling of music being given away legally for free. Hopefully this trend will continue, as everyone loves free stuff…I know I do. If you like any of these artists, you can also purchase some of their work from amazon or their individual web sites. Check their myspaces for more information. There’s good work all over the place, you’ve just gotta make sure you look for it.
On a final note, this blog right here finds a free album, talks about it briefly, and showcases a new one (just about) every day. It’s great, I’d go check it out as soon as you finish reading this sentence.